Take off your shoes, please.

The D.Va

I've been questioning.

There's so many questions that needs to be answered.

There were times when I was questioned.

Questions. It's a big word. Really.

The questions playing in my mind -

1. Sex. Is it really a necessity?
2. Why engage in pre- marital sex?
3. Why don't people practice safe sex?
4. Where have all the moral integrity, and self-pride gone?
5. Do I have to engage in pre-marital sex, too?
6. Will I go against my principle, of abstaining myself from having pre-marital sex, when I have a boyfriend?
7. Am I losing out?
8. Am I being too patient?
9. Why am I always been taken advantage of?
10. Is it because I chose to brush all those hypocrites aside, and not confront them?
11. How am I supposed to face up to these hypocritical beings?
12. Am I a sexist?
13. Do I have something against the opposite gender? (I don't think so, cuz I LOVE guys. A LOT.)
14. Am I too choosy?
15. Am I not as good as I thought?
16. Am I ready for a relationship?
17. Or am I just in it for the fun of it?
18. Do I really need a boyfriend?
19. Boyfriend. A need, or a want?
20. Is there really such a thing as Friends with Benefits?
21. Is it harmless?
22. Why do I take pride in looking good?
23. Is it for myself? Or is it for people to look at?
24. Am I really that vain?
25. I think I'm fat. Or am I?
26. Why can't we be thankful for everything around us?
27. Why do we aim for perfection?
28. What's perfection, anyway?
29. Singlehood, or courtship?
30. Faithfulness = Boredom?

and the list goes on...

Why do I have these questions playing in my head?

Can't I just let go of these questions?

It is taking a toll on me.

SERIOUSLY.

I'm just so tired.

Tired of looking for all the answers to these questions.

I'm VERY tired.

God have mercy on my soul.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Hello.

I hate disrespectfulness. Especially towards the elderly.

How can a child have the heart to use violence against his own mother? I don't understand. I REALLY DON'T. It's your 'frogging' mother. I know that old people can get really, really annoying. But, still? Using violence against her in the public? HEL-LO??? Show some respect. Please. It's not so much to ask for, isn't it? Your mother 'frogging burger'. You are just a shame. YOU'RE A SHAME TO ME. SHAME TO ALL THE CHILDREN IN THE WORLD. 'FROGG' YOU. I hate people like you. People of your species shall be diminished from this world.

There is always one thing that I have always wanted to do. Just ONE thing. And, that is, to tell my dad, that I love him. Ayah, I may never show, or tell you how I really feel. I do not have the courage to tell you so. You have always shown me that you love me so. A LOT. To the extent of spoiling me. Yeah, I know I'm a spoilt brat. I am thankful for that. I feel blessed to have a dad like you. I will never exchange you for anything. Not even the hawtest dude in the world, that I'm dying to have. Yes, there may be days when we don't talk at all. But, it's not because I don't want to. Being 18, there are times when I sometimes feel awkward, talking to you. I don't know why. But, it's definitely, NOT because I don't love you. I don't know when I will have the courage to tell you this. Maybe on my wedding day? But, for all we know, it might be too late. You don't know what the future holds. This is all that I ever want to tell you, ayah. That is,I LOVE YOU. More than you could ever imagine.

I may be a spoilt brat. But, I still do respect my parents. Unlike some of you, ungrateful beasts. Take some time, and ponder over your ridiculous actions. I will slap you to your senses if there's a need to.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

BOO!!!!!!!!

Chocolate cravings.

Enjoyed GREAT music today. Luckily, I did not get so tanned. If not... hah.

Chill out with Fik for pretty long. Talking about the usual crap. That is what we usually do. Never get tired of them, though. Hah.

I had A LOT of chocolate just now. But, I still have the cravings for them. Not enough yet, I guess. I shall buy more tomorrow. Craving for Belgian Chocolates. Gawd, help me!

I am pretty lazy to update my blog. So, to my fans, be patient, and thankful that I actually take some time to give you this new post of mine. Hah.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

BOO!!!!!!!!!

Gawd. That much amount. Whoa! Orgasmic.

I lost my make-up bag. I brought it to school yesterday. I did not take it out, though. But, how did it go missing? It's puzzling. I'm puzzled, and confused. And I'm very sad that I lost it, as there are some things of sentimental value in it. I feel like crying again. I want it back. Please return it back to me. PLEASE....

You know. I just realised. Never, and I mean NEVER call your girlfriend fat. It's one of the biggest, and deadliest sin that a guy could ever commit. SERIOUSLY. Trust me.

Angry. Infuriated. Disappointed.

I had 300g of Fanous Amos's Premium Choice. I'm so happy that I actually indulged in it. It's orgasmic. It made me feel high. Like soaring high. COOKIES. Who hates them? Everybody loves cookies. COOKIES ARE LOVES.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Heyy.

Yanti: Siak uh. Berbual sikit nyerr sopan.
10 minutes later... the door bell rang.
After shutting the door tight..
Ain & Yanti: Patut larr sopan. Pakcik rupanyerr. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

It is against my principles. AGAINST MY PRINCIPLES.

Disappointment. Anger. Disgust. Fury. Annoyed. It's more than all these. I give up.

Gawd. If, I get all three, it would be - PLEASURE OVERLOAD! Heee.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

BOO!!!!!!!!!!

They are the SEX!

Why are there hypocritical people in the world?

Why are guys such sweet talkers? Don't they know, that it is actually VERY ANNOYING? Stop having that sweet tongue of yours, and show us who you really are. If you've got the balls, that is.

I'm currently listening to Great Spy Experiment. And they are the SEX! Because they give me the orgasms. Especially, Flower Show Riots. That track is just so orgasmic. God, help me. I'm soaring high right now. I need to get down. Hah.

That Song. I want that Song. Heee.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

BOO!!!!!!!!!!

G.A.W.D. JUST PLAIN ORGASMIC.

Dates. Yeah. So what? Just because I agreed to go out on a date with that person, it does not mean that I want to be with him, or have a liking for him. The fact of the matter is, it is still Akie. Yeah, yeah. A long time since I talked about those three guys.

Yoyi. Such a sweet-talker. I think his mouth is filled with sugar. Honey, maybe? Or even caramel. I cannot stand sweet-talkers. Had a fair share of them. Tired of them.

Shino. I do not know. I am not sure what I feel about him.

Akie. My feelings for him has always stayed the same. Do not ask me why. Cause I do not know why.

Anyone out there that can help me move on? Maybe I'm just wasting my time on Akie.

That guy. THAT GUY. He's just plain ORGASMIC. Gawd. He has got the looks of my ideal guy. That kind of bad boy kind of guy. The hair. The style. The attitude. He is the kind of guy that I would want as a friend. Friend with benefits? Hah. NEVER. That is AGAINST my principle. Heee. Let's just stick to being friends.

G.A.W.D. JUST PLAIN ORGASMIC.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Hello again.

I have a HUGE problem. I guess.

The Kway Teow at Nana Thai made me cry. But, it was very nice. I would want to eat that again. Heee.

I need a vest. Like BADLY. Help!

I have been pondering. Maybe it's just me. Maybe the problem lies with me. It's not that I do not want to give anyone the chance to date me, or get to know me better. I'm just too lazy to go out on dates. I love meeting new people. But, just lazy to go on dates. Why am I that lazy? I don't know. Seriously. Somebody save me. Please.

I'm just not ready to commit to a serious relationship. You're just not as free when you're in a relationship. Got to do this, do that. Report this, and that. Man. Who do you think you are? My parents don't even control me. How can a guy control me? That just ain't right. Flirting will be forbidden when you're in a relationship. Then, where's the fun? You're supposed to be faithful and stuff. But, when it comes to the other party, everything's all right. Double standard. What the hell? Where's the fairness in the world? Hel-lo? Might as well stay single. I don;t intend to get married anyway. And that worries my mum. A LOT. Gawd.

Happy Birthday Ibu! I love you.

I'm craving for Famous Amos right now. I'm so going to get it later. Moo, we get it later okie. Heee.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

BOO!!!!!!!!

bila rindu
terkenangmu sayang
terasa sayu
syahdunya jiwaku
bila malam
makin kelam
jauh terbang diriku melayang
aku rindu sentuhanmu
ku rasa sayu
inginkan jiwamu
selubungi
jiwa ini
bawaku dalam pelangi
melepasi batas diri ini

I'm overwhelmed with happiness today. Had a haircut at REDS. Tanx ehh Pepper. Heee. The photoshoot with her went very well. They were just so hospitable. I LOIKE! Heee.

Please do not develop feelings for me. I'm not ready to commit, and I only regard you as a REALLY good friend. Let's not spoil what we have. Continue on being the way we are right now, yarr?

Somehow, I feel as though I'm missing someone. That particular someone. SOMEONE.


Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Hello.

What is the motive posing as me on myspace? Have you got nothing better to do?

Such a poor thing, she is. She's alone here, in Singapore. Her family's back in Indonesia. She misses her family. Her husband. Her kids. All she asks for is just a phonecall. A PHONECALL. Is that tough for you to give? it's just a freaking phonecall. Even if it's just five minutes. And, she's a human being, too. Please treat her with respect. She has dignity, like any of us do. Don't just shout your lungs out at her. She's not your punching bag. Even though she's your maid, she's a human being, too. SHE'S JUST LIKE YOU.

There's someone on MySpace that poses as me. She uses my pictures, too. I'm very annoyed. What is your motive? What wrong have I done? Did I offend you in any way? The worst thing, you cheated someone's feelings. YOU IMPOSTER. STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING. Everyone's going to know sooner, or later. Ouh. Here's the imposter's link.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=276570908&MyToken=457efa30-3a5b-4ec8-b593-56c1d471c068

Innocence shall prevail.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

BOO!!!!!

I'm listening to Cyclone, by Baby Bash featuring T-Pain. This song makes me high. Like, SOARING HIGH.

I'm really happy living the single life. Singlehood is FUN. Not tied down to anyone. Free to go out with anyone. Free to flirt around with whoever that comes along. What could be better than this? It's COMMITMENT FREE. That is the SHATT.

Sometimes, I think that I never want to get married. If the other half is the one, then, good for you. You are blessed with a happy and blissful marriage. BUT. If the one you marry is NOT the one - YOU'RE DOOMED. Marriage is a gamble. It goes either way. You win, or, you lose. Having seen all the things happening around me, I just have a lot of doubts, and lost faith in marriages, or even, relationships. There seems to be more failure, than success. More sadness, than happiness. Might as well stay single and enjoy life to the fullest. Right?

I'm not thinking about any of the guys right now. Not Akie. Not Shino. Not Yoyi. Not even any other. Ain't in the mood for guys right now. They make me go bleahhhhh. But, I still love guys. LOVE GUYS.

Cyclone. Stop making me high please. G.A.W.D.


Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Hello again.

Violence will not solve anything.

Sheesha-ed AGAIN. Today with YanYan, and Faja. Went to El-Sheikh. And, I think, I prefer Al-Majlis. Change of mind. Sorry El-Sheikh. But, you've got cute waiters. That should do it.

YanYan, don't be sad yarr. Trust me. Do what I said I would do if i were in your shoes. It is for your own benefit. Stop crying. Do not waste your tears.

I hope you are doing fine, Shagg. Rest well.

My feelings is getting deeper for Shino. DEEPER.

Was talking to a friend of mine. His name's Moo. Talking about violence. Trust me. Nothing can be solved through violence. It just makes things worst. It will definitely be better to just talk things out. Guys. They just let their egos get the best of them. And this ego of theirs get into their brain. Stop it, guys. Not using violence does not mean that you have lost. GO PONDER.

I'm very hungry right now. And I'm listening to Willie Bounce. What a song title!


Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

BOO!!!!!!

Live FreaQ was HAWT!

Headed down to Kovan. The show was great. The 15 acts performing were THAT good. Enjoyed every single bit of it. There were some glitches, though. But, that is unavoidable. There's bound to be glitches in any event.

I find him really cute. Like, UTTER CUTENESS. Whoa! HE'S REALLY CUTE.

I was walking home, when a Chinese guy approached me. He's a good looking guy, around my age. He asked for my number. But, I didn't give it to him. I learnt from my lesson. They bug a lot. BUGGERS.

He's really, THAT cute. I think I kind of forget about Akie for this while.


Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

BOO!!!!!

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY FIK!!!

I am so proud of Nic-kee. My Chinaman brother. He performed REALLY well. In fact, the whole band was good. I have never imagined that Ben has a nice singing voice. Gary is just so charismatic. And, Wilson. UTTER HAWTNESS.UTTER HAWTNESS. I want more!

Headed down to Kovan. Met the guys there. The usual blue table peeps. Ring any bells there? Hah. They are a funny bunch.

Then, went to Haji Lane, to sheesha. Together with Fik & Tara. Tara and I wanted to give Fik a surprise, since it is his birthday today. And so, bought him a muffin from Famous Amos. Asked for a candle from Polar Puffs & Pastries. And so, at 0000, we took out the muffin, with the litted candle, and sang him a birthday song. Member terharu, beb. Heee. I'm happy that you enjoyed it, Fik. It was specially for you.

I'm so in love with two. Utter randomness. Just a song I'm listening to.


Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Heyy.

CATS. I DON'T LIKE THEM.

YanYan, totally loved the kentang ball ehh. And I finished your 'Ferrero Rocher'. Please make more for me. I cannot get enough of them. And, yarr, don't forget your specialty, murtabak maggi. Heee.

At Simpang, the guys had Black Pepper Chicken Rice, while Siitee had Sambal Fried Rice. Extra spicy, that is. I just had a cup of Milo Dinosaur.

We were at the void deck, when Syafiq started playing with this cat. Nana? Whatever. And so, as he was playing with the cat, it just travelled around, and stopped at my feet, and looked up at me. I FREAKED OUT!! I just covered my face, and tears just started falling automatically. I'M SERIOUSLY, VERY, VERY PETRIFIED OF CATS. That was not the only time. And then, as Syaf was playing with it, it just came up at me, at the back. I shrieked again. And AGAIN, I cried. Seriously, guys, if you ever put a cat in my bag, or try to be funny, I'm so not going to talk to you.

And now I feel so sick. So feverish. It is all the cat's fault. I HATE CATS.


Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Hello.

Hypocritical souls. I hate them.

Seriously, I am suffering in scriptwriting class. I find it so hard to stay awake.

Went to YanYan's. YET AGAIN. I just love her place. So cosy, and the hospitality that her mum, and her lil' brother, Wan, gives is just WHOA! Heee. I just cannot get enough of YanYan's 'Fererro Rocher'.

We had a heart-to-heart session - YanYan, Wan & me. As we were talking, there were some background music. Lagu jiwang larr seyy. Nearly made me cry. And, so we talked. YanYan made me realise something that I did not even pay attention to. Maybe, my feeling towards Shino, and Yoyi, is just something to cover up, or help me forget my feelings towards Akie. Probably that is true. But, how is it that I don't realise it? Maybe I was just being ignorant?

Okie. Just an update.
CuteB = Akie
Chino = Shino
Yoyi = Yoyi

Changed the name a little here & there. So, please take note.

Hypocrites. I have no comments. Just utterly disappointed. I am so deeply affected.

Seriously, it is still Akie. Did you cast a spell on me or something?


Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Hear The Journalists Scream.

The Scandal Hunters.

The Past Which Moulds The Present.

I Am The Only D.va Around.