Take off your shoes, please.

The D.Va

Heyy.

I feel so fucking pissed. Like REAL PISSED. Really pissed, that even no amount of piss can put off this raging fire of angst.

I've lost faith in almost everything in this world. Not everything. Just almost everything.

Boy : I will wait for you.
Girl : Yeah, right.
Boy : Seriously.
Girl: Oh, really? Till when? 50? 60?
Boy : I'll wait for you till you finally realise that I'm for real. I AM FOR REAL.
Ouh, really? Yeah, right. Loads of BULLSHIT! CRAP! What do you take me for? A fucking fool? A dumbass kid? All guys are the same. You guys talk as if your mouths are filled with chocolate, honey, caramel, and whatever that's sweet. I'd fill up your mouth with all the shit in the world. Make a stinking mouth stinkier. Don't even bother washing it off. It stays with all of you for life. Get the hell out of my life.

Gfs before bfs. FUCK YOU. Hypocrites. Fine. I'm seriously mad. MAD AT YOU. Flaming mad. Pergi lah. Cium ketiak mataer kau sepanjang masa. Aku dah malas. Kalau susah, baru kau ingat aku. Menangis konon.

Some guys are just so pathetic. Like REALLY PATHETIC.

Some people just don't get it. I've been very, very patient. My patience has its limits, too, mind you. Makin aku sabar, makin menjadi-jadi. I can be a real bitch if I want to. Just waiting for the right time to unleash that fucking inner bitch beast within me. Just don't tell me you'll regret it. No empathies will be given.

Fuck.

F.U.C.K.

Cut my hair. Dad talks to me, still, though. He knows I'm flaming mad.

New year. New hair. New clothes.

Same old .AinZulkifni.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Hello.

Today was a celebration of love.

What is the secret recipe to keeping a marriage of 50 golden years? This sets me thinking.

"Kakak, can you please hurry up, and find yourself a boyfriend? See, all of them have their own bfs, and gfs. Don't you feel left out?"

I don't know. I don't think I feel left out. I feel special. Even if I do have a bf right now, I wouldn't bring him to any of my family function. Unless, we are engaged or something. For all I know, he might not be my future husband.

The duet with Imran. It made my day. That was specially for you Atok, and Nenek. Also Habib, and Jiddah. Not forgetting Uncle Zul, and Aunt Mahani.

The celebration of 50 years of unconditional love.

Ketulusan Hati
Anuar Zain

Cintaku tak berdusta
Tak mengenal ingkar
Tak mengenal nestapa
Cintaku hanya indah
Hanya bahagia
Untuk selamanya

Apa yang ku rasakan ini
Persembahan untuk dirimu
Kau dengarkan kasihku
Mencintaimu tak mengenal waktu
Tak mengenal puitis
Hanya tulusnyaa hati

Mencintai mu tk mengenal ragu
Keyakinan hatiku
Hanya utk dirimu
Selalu

Cintaku tak berdusta
Tak mengenal inkar
Tak mengenal nestapa
Tak ada seribu janji
Hanya bahagia untuk selamanya
Apa yang ku rasakan ini
Persembahan untuk dirimu
Kau dengarkan kasihku

Mencintaimu tak mengenal waktu
Tak mengenal puitis
Hanya tulusnya hati
Mencintai mu tak mengenal ragu
Keyakinan hatiku
Hanya untuk dirimu
Selalu

Apa yang ku rasakan ini
Persembahan untuk dirimu
Kau dengarkan kasihku

Mencintaimu tak mengenal waktu
Tak mengenal puitis
Hanya tulusnya hati
Mencintai mu tak mengenal ragu
Keyakinan hatiku
Hanya untuk dirimu
Selalu


Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

BOO!!!!!!!

I had a fetish for bald guys. A LONG WAY BACK.

The good guys are all balding. That's what I feel. What? How do I know? Well, let's see. Hmmm... there's one here.. one there.. another right across.. and the list goes on. And I think it's such a sad thing. Don't you think so? No, actually it's not really a sad thing. I wouldn't mind a guy who's balding. But, pretty much better if he just shave that head of his. It'd look so much better. Trust me. Maybe balding guys have that certain attraction that is just so enticing, and hypnotising.

There was a point of time when I really have a huge fetish for bald guys. I had a crush on this botak guy, who was a school mate of mine. It was pretty long. I don't know why, but, he just has that kind of attraction, which is just so strong. I don't know how to explain it. And then, there's this show, The Contender. I don't know if you guys watch it. There was this guy. Jesse's his name. Gawd. He's hawt. And bald. I had a crush on him, too. But, he's got a family. He's such a family guy. Ouhhh... so sweet.

Somehow, I think, I still have the liking for bald guys.

And, I sit here pondering.

I miss Embah. I really do. How I wish you're still alive. I miss you. I really miss you. There was never a second that you left my mind. I miss you, Embah. I want you back.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

BOO!!!!!

Gawd. What a weird dream!

Dreams. That is when the mind plays tricks on you, I believe. But, do dreams really mean anything? Do they like, act as a means of omen or something? As for me, personally, I don't feel so. If whatever happens in reality matches the ones that happens in dreams, I feel like its purely coincidental.

Seriously. I had a REALLY weird dream last night. It's like the first time I ever had a dream like that. GAWD! I got so irritated because I couldn't recall who that person was straight after I woke up. FRUCK. The funny thing was the dream stopped when my mum stepped into the room. SUPER FUNNY. She stepped in the middle of all actions. Hah. I shall not have those dreams again.

Thongs. And more thongs.

Chocolate.

Doughnut.

Dates. And numerous more.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

BOO!!!

We meet again my dear friends.

Sitting under the oak tree, we talked. Wearing that ever-melting smile, I looked at him move those thin lips. How I wish I could...

Then, came the question.

"Do you watch porn?"

What the hell?

I've never understood why people actually watch porn. Especially, GUYS. I've asked this question a gazillion times. And all they gave was, "Porn is something that we, guys need. We NEED it." Gawd. I understand the fact that you guys need to masturbate and whatnot. But, you guys get it from porn? Like the pleasure of it? What is so 'pleasurising'(is there even such a word?) about porn, anyways? It is so fake. You don't get the passion of making love in porn. It's meant for the camera, and to "entertain". Fake, all plastic. Don't you guys see through all their acts? Utter stupidity. Porn shall be banished from the face of Earth.

I hate porn. Yes. I REALLY DO. Full stop.

"Ouh, come on. We know of girls your age who loves 'em. In fact, most of them do."

Then, fruck it. That's them. This is me. Get it?

Guys will always be guys.

You know? I think I have a weight obsession problem. No. Wait. I don't think so. I know so. I have a weight obsession problem. Gawd. It's very tiring, I must admit. VERY TIRING. I don't know why I can't stop obsessing about my weight. I feel like I have gained weight. Like A LOT. But, when I met up with my friends, whom I haven't seen for long, they said that I have lost A LOT of weight. GAWD! HELP ME! What is happening to me? I feel like I'm going crazy over my weight. I don't know how to stop it. I need help. Like, SERIOUS HELP.

I feel fat. YUCK!

Ouh yarr. I got more dates coming up. And I feel fat. YUCK. How worse could it get?

And I had a lot of weird dreams lately. And I mean WEIRD.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Hello.

It has been a long time since we met. Yes? I shall update this little thing for my faithful fans. Heee.

Extra Marital Affair.

I don't understand. I really don't. If, extra marital affairs are bound to happen, why do you even decide to get married in the first place? Don't you think marriage is a tight bond, built on the basis of trust, and love? If it is, then, there should never be the term extra marital affair, because it would mean that married couples only have eyes for each other, and that they are already ready to be faithful to one another. Like what they usually say, till death do us part. Yeah, right. LOADS OF BULLSHIT. Well, maybe this till death do us part existed during our great-grandparent's era. But, is it practical in this era? witnessing every single thing that has been happening around me, I'll say, FRUCK IT. All talk, NO walk. So, might as well shut your frucking mouth. Don't talk to me about these faithfulness crap. Thank you.I appreciate your kind understanding.

I know him. I know her.

I love him. I love her, too.

So, shall I tell him, or should I not? There are numerous possibilities of what could happen if I do tell, and if I don't.

If I do tell...
I'll feel more relieved. I would say. At least, I've got this thing off my chest. But, what could be the outcome of it? They are happily married. For what? Nearly 20 years? Blessed with 3 beautiful children, who are growing up really fast. If I do tell him of her affair, it could be the end of this happy family portrait. However, the outcome could be positive. If he decides not to pursue it, forgive her, and continue on living with her, like how it used to be.

If I don't tell...
I will be cheating him, her, them, and myself. I don't like this feeling. AT ALL.

Why did she decide to have this extra marital affair? What could be the cause? I see them living very happily together. One of the most loving couple I have ever seen. Is it money? Sexual desires? I don't know.

You know, seeing all my closest friend being in love, makes me long to be loved. Having that special someone, there by your side, through thick and thin. Sharing all the good and bad that life could offer. All those phone calls at night. Those laughters. Those tears. Those fights. Those flirtatious disses. Those kisses. The feeling of being in love, loving, and loved. I miss it. I really do.

Dates. Dates. And, dates.

And, yes. I'm still single. And available, too.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Hear The Journalists Scream.

The Scandal Hunters.

The Past Which Moulds The Present.

I Am The Only D.va Around.