Take off your shoes, please.

The D.Va

I've been shitting a lot. Weird. But, I LOIKE! It's like I don't have to turn to lax for that. It just feels amazing. And, I'm on the road to recovery.

DOUBLE HAPPINESS!



This made me laugh. Naughty Neh-Neh.

hah...



Did I mention that Matthew Bellamy is pretty damn sexay? When he starts playing the guitar, it seems as though they are having some sexual intimacy. Melting just by watching them together.


Chamomile.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.






I woke up, and felt like taking some out-of-bed pictures.

hah...

This is what we call, NATURAL BEAUTY.

Anyways, Dane Cook is driving me crazy. He's whack! His jokes are WHACK! He's my favourite stand-up. He's hawt, too. Gawd. How funny can one get.

hah...


Chamomile.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.



At last, I've watched Chapter 27.

Like, FINALLY.

I love the movie. The use of dramatic monologue in the movie. It evokes the innermost emotions that the character has, and it affects the way you think. It gets pretty disturbing at some point, because, I was so engrossed, and got so into the character - the way he thinks, and acts.

For those of you, who looks out for the technicalities, this is not a movie for you. For the anaesthetic people, you will definitely love it. DO NOT ANTICIPATE A LOT OF ACTIONS FROM THIS MOVIE. It depends a lot on the script, an important factor in making dramatic monologue a success.

and now I know why he assassinated John Lennon...

Oh, yarr. If you are wondering, yes, that is Jared Leto in the poster. He gained weight just for this role in the movie.



He has an eating disorder, I guess. Like husband, like wife.


Chamomile.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

I suddenly miss Embah and Maknek. Seeing my condition now, it wouldn't have happened, if they were still around. Especially, Embah.

There is pretty much a sense of regret, somehow. I think I took you for granted during your lifetime. I've always thought that you will always be there for me, come what may. You left when I least anticipated it. I wasn't prepared. Till today. I kept asking why god had to take you away from me. I loved you so much. I could not let you go. Days, and days of crying followed. With all those tears, I could probably have an oasis in the desert.

This has been an emotional roller-coaster ride for me. I secretly wished that both of you are still here, to lend me a listening ear, and most importantly, a shoulder to cry on, and cry along with me, like you used to, Maknek.

I really long for your embrace. I long to hear your voices. I long to witness all the silly fights that you had. I long to see your smiles. I long for the moments when there were just the three of us.

JUST THE THREE OF US.

Till today, I can't accept the fact that both of you are gone. FOR GOOD.

I wish you were here.


Chamomile.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

I can't believe that I still find him hawt. Since when? Year 1??

hah...

Weird. Seriously, WEIRD.

And, because of that, I can't stop laughing.

HAHA!

This one good guy friend of mine, he said that he's sick of entertaining me. I don't know why he even said that. And, he hasn't talked to me, since. Not seen him around school, too. I have no slightest idea what he's going through right now. And, I ain't going to call him. I have every single valid reason why I acted the way I did. And, it's NOT unreasonable. When you have waken to your senses, call me. I doubt that will ever happen.

Guys, and their egos.


Chamomile.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

I really don't understand guys. I really don't. How could they hang on the phone for a very long time, and keep on talking to the person on the other end. I'm not a person who loves long chats on the phone. Why won't they just understand? That I'd rather talk in person? Fuss-free. So much more convenient.

I just realised. Whenever, one just broke up with her partner, she'll be feeling really low, and somehow, disappointed. And, feeling that way, there'll be this sense of regret that overcomes her. Therefore, she'll feel that she's had enough of this, and would very much not want to be in a relationship, again. And, she'll say that she has lost faith in relationship, and guys.

I'll say, it's all said out of angst, because, that's what I do. No, I don't regret whatever I had said. However, I think that the feelings should be curbed, and I should try to process things slowly, and be more patient. One failed relationship don't mean eternal failure.

I'm ready to start dating again.


Chamomile.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Seriously in need of sleep.

I NEED SLEEP!

Ricky Martin's ass shaking actions keeps me awake at these times. Thank god for him.



"Money may not buy happiness, but it can damn well give it!" - Freddie Mercury

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Neh-neh said that there'll be a photo-taking session for MOI-ians later! Let's go peeps. I'm so on! You know me.. CAMWHORE!

Meeting Leena later. I cannot wait. Leena, I call you darling ok? And I call Fyde sayang.

heh...

Seriously, don't you just find Hassan Sunny cute? No, no, he's not my type. He's just an eye candy. If we're talking about my type of guys, just go to the scandals section. Those are my type, darling.

HOT. SIZZLING. BAD. TATTOOED. ATTITUDE. MATURE.


"Money may not buy happiness, but it can damn well give it!" - Freddie Mercury

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

"It ain't friendly, till it turns frenzy."
That's the tag line, or log line, for our proposed show for MTV, A Friendly Affair.

I fought hard to get her to give in to us. And she finally did! I felt so accomplished. WE HAVE OUR TAGLINE. IT'S HERE TO STAY.

"HASSAN makes my day SUNNY."

Trust me to come up with that.

hah....

And, I want a Latin boyfriend, just like Ricky Martin. That ass is a MUST! He's the gawd of asses.

heheh...


"Money may not buy happiness, but it can damn well give it!" - Freddie Mercury


Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Was at town. My sister was looking for hair extension. Whatever for? I don't know. You know kids.

hah...

As were walking towards Far East, two ang mohs walked pass us. We noticed them from the nearby cafe, at Tangs. They, too, did. As we were approaching Hyatt Hotel, they passed us. And we exchanged glances. Silent flirting? He was pretty much my type, because I know for a fact that he's more mature than me. Don;t you know that I have a fetish for mature men?

heh...

Then, I saw Sam, and I said hi. What an accomplishment! Dang! He's cute!

I think I have a crush on Hassan Sunny. If he's attached, to his girlfriend - don't worry, it wouldn't be a long one.

heee...


"Money may not buy happiness, but it can damn well give it!" - Freddie Mercury

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

An emotional roller-coaster ride. That is what it has been like these days.

It's like being caught between two handsome, and charming guys, and left with that feeling of helplessness.

I don't tell it to nobody. The people that I trust most seems to be so busy, that they have no time to even give me a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on. I kind of wondered, maybe I shouldn't be there for them when they need me. It's pretty much one-sided. I'm always there for them, but, they are not there for me, when I really need them. And, no, I'm NOT bitching. Just trying to let it all out, and not keep it bottled up. It's fucking painful thinking about it.

You may say that you're busy, and that you're sorry. Has it ever crossed your mind that I'm pretty much busy myself? And, no matter how busy I've been, I've always spared time for you, to listen, and to make you feel all better?

UNDER-APPRECIATED.

Lost faith in relationships. After the recent break-up, I've lost faith in guys. Guys are pretty much nothing, but jerks. Well, maybe it's just the guys that I date. WHATEVER. Guys are jerks. Full stop. Not been dating since the break-up. Not intending to give any chances to anybody, as well. What's the point of dating when I intend NOT to get married?

Why can't I just be stick thin like those runway models, and celebrities? If I were like them, I'll be just fine. I wouldn't have this problem of eating disorder. You think I want to? FUCKING HELL I DON'T. Do you know how much emotional turmoil this has caused? It plainly SUCKS.

I feel like I've been cold towards some of my beloved guy friends these days. It's just because of the recent break-up. If you guys are reading this, I just want to apologise. I know it shouldn't affect our friendship, but, it just does, in some ways. I love every single one of you, and I cherish our friendship. Maybe, time will heal all these. Hopefully.


"Money may not buy happiness, but it can damn well give it!" - Freddie Mercury

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

I feel miserable.

I don't know why. And you wouldn't understand it.


Laxativity

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Finally. It's HERE!

I came across laxative while researching on bulimia nervosa, the topic that I plan to use for ComdA. I've always known the effects that laxatives may have on one. But, what I found out now, it just opened up my eyes, and scared me, somehow.

Laxative Abuse

Laxative abuse is potentially serious since it can lead to intestinal paralysis,Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), pancreatitis, renal failure, and other problems.

Laxative gut

Physicians generally warn against the chronic use of stimulant laxatives due to concern that chronic use causes the colonic tissues to get worn out over time and not be able to expel feces due to long term overstimulation. The evidence for this was never too strong, and it was always unclear whether the elongated and poorly moving colon of a patient with chronic constipation was a result of or was just a cause for patients' use of stimulant laxatives. A common finding in patients who have used stimulant laxatives is a brown pigment deposited in the intestinal tissue, known as Melanosis coli.

Eating Disorders

Laxatives are often used by people with an eating disorder. In many cases of bulimia nervosa the patient will abuse laxatives in an attempt to purge themselves of food in the intestines before it becomes digested. Frequently, patients with eating disorders had chronic digestive problems in childhood and found laxatives an effective treatment. The laxative use later may substitute of more appropriate treatment such as a better diet. Treatment of patients with eating disorders and gastrointestinal illnesses can be challenging.

Taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laxative

Yes, I was ignorant. In fact, I still am. I'm just thinking, maybe, I really am killing myself, slowly, and tenderly. I know I should stop taking laxatives. But, I just can't. It's not as if I don't want to.

What's the worst that could happen? Most to most, I'd just have a shorter life span.

It's easy for you to say, "Ain, you need counselling. Go for one. It helps."

Would it help, if I don't help myself? Why would I want to waste time, money, and effort if I don't want to help myself? And all of you wouldn't understand. Because, you're NOT in my shoes.

Living with an eating disorder isn't easy. It's tiring. It's painful. It just, plainly SUCKS. Not only is it physically tiring, it's more tiring, emotionally.

FUCK STICK THIN MODELS.


laxativity.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

So, how do I feel right now?

Let's see...

I'm disappointed..

.. angry
.. annoyed
.. pissed.

Seriously, utterly disappointed.




Blow it all out.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Hear The Journalists Scream.

The Scandal Hunters.

The Past Which Moulds The Present.

I Am The Only D.va Around.