Take off your shoes, please.

The D.Va

Hi. I've cut my fringe. I have bangs now. And I'm freaking happy.

Hi Carmen. Have a safe flight to HK. Enjoy and savour every moment that you're there. Don't be sold into prostitution ok. And bring your ID everywhere cuz HK policemen stops pretty girls for number there.

ahah...

I ate a lot of chicken today. And I feel so happy munching on meat. Like it's been a long time since I ate real meat. And chicken never taste so gooooooooddddddd.

Ouh, and I realise that I'm allergic to pennicilin. I have red spots on my body now, thanks to this allergy that I never knew I have.

Ok. I need to get out and party.

p.s.: I miss MY FASHIONtard.


Red. Red. Red.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

I'll make it my goal to make it to Survivor, and Amazing Race.

I'm not kidding.

But I prefer to be in Survivor. A game of manipulation, and survival of the toughest. Mind games. I can conquer that. Been a devotee of this show since it first came out. I'll totally defeat Johnny Fairplay in terms of drama, and mind games.

I wanna be in Survivor & Amazing Race.

Like badly...


Reality TV Fever.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

My boyfriend's really nice to me.

Sometimes I feel that I'm being unfair to him.

Sometimes I feel that I'm being mean to him.

In many ways.

I don't know why I do what I do, but, yeah.

He's really nice to me. And he cares for me. A LOT.

And, I lurve him.

I REALLY DO.


James Kang.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.



Hi. Please meet my current lurve. His name is Danny Gokey. And he has an amazing voice that melts me down to my bones.


Danny. Danny. Danny.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

I MISS JAMES KANG.

I cried myself to sleep yesterday night cuz I miss him so much.

Even so much don't justify how much I'm missing him.

I MISS HIM.


Miss. Miss. Miss.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Vday dinner was so nice. Pastamania & Ben&Jerry's.

I can totally go crazy over B&J.

I had a weird dream. of my ex flame asking me out.

Now this Fiona, Yumi, and Carmen, you don't know him.

A Chinese guy from secondary school.

ahah..

It's so weird to even be dreaming of him.

Why, oh, why?

Anyways, I miss my FASHIONtard. He dreamt of spending Vday with me in the weirdest way.

ahah...

What's new? It's always in da weirdest situations.
Bleahh.


Weird.Weird.Weird.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

I feel that the youths of Singapore should learn more respect.

It starts with self-respect. And then you will learn how to respect people around you. Especially, the elders.

I was brought up in a surrounding where respect is a VERY important part of growing up.

From my late great-grandparents, to my parents. They put a very huge emphasis on respect.

"It is ok not to have any, or high education. But having respect is a MUST. Without respect, you have no worth as a human being. And you degrade yourself by having no respect for people, cause it shows you have no respect for yourself."

I will always remember this, because I believe in it.

Respect plays a huge part in life. Especially in mine.

And I can't stand disrespectfulness. Especially to someone who is older.

It's just inhuman.

VERY INHUMAN.


Learn Some Respect.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

I'm feeling restless.

I don't know why.

And I feel myself expanding.

WOWNESS.

I had a weird dream last night.

I dreamt that my ex flame asked me to go on a cruise with him.

OH SO, SO WEIRD. SO VERY WEIRD.

A weird dream it was cuz it was so surreal.

Neh-neh, Carmen, Yumi.. ya'll know the guy.

I just had to put that down.

ahah...


My parents are laughing.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

His call yesterday made it all better.

And I need to regain my glorious boobs back.

I'm gonna make Eva Mendes my idol.


You make it better.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Just don't care about me.

Please.

I'm begging you.

Just don't care.

Let me puke if I wanna.

Let me starve if I wanna.

Let me do what I wanna.

Just don't care. Please.

I wanna get my life back on track. I wouldn't be able to if you bother, if you care.

Just don't care. Please.

It's these times like this that I long for my late great-grandparents.

I long for the comfort, and support you gave me when I'm down. I long for the moments where you just kept mum, and let me say what I really wanna say. I long for those moments when you cried with me.

I just long for those moments where it was just the three of us, Maknek & Embah.

Why do you leave me all alone in this vicious world?

And you. The man, living 10,000 miles away from me. Why can't you be like Maknek & Embah? Why are you like the others?

I just want Maknek & Embah.


Somebody.Save.Me.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Hi.

They've been forcing me to eat a lot, and disallowing me to work out, cuz they want me to be more womanly.

FUCK DAT SHIT.


Flabengo Dengo.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Looking into the mirror, with no single thread on my body, I'm so appalled.

Bones are sticking out of this body of mine. It's so... I just don't know how to describe it.

I look like that anorexic monster in REC.

It disgusts me.

I'm disgusted at what is becoming of me.


Somebody give me a wake up call.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

I have this sudden fear of the dark.

I hate night time.

The darkness suffocates me. The loneliness engulfs me. And the silence deafens me.

This whole situation I'm facing right now, it's all a mess.

The pills messing with my system.

I can't stay up late, no matter how much I want to. I have this automatic clock in my body that wakes me up at EIGHT, no matter what. And I can't get back to sleep no matter how tired I still am.

I am so tired.

So very tired.

This fatigue is killing me.

I'm just so, so tired.


Fatigue.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

It was horrible.

Miserable.

He called yesterday. He is worried about my condition, he says. And, we got into a heated conversation.

And then, the call ended. Just like that.

He called again later. Apologised for his harshness. Why do you even bother to care so much? It's my fucking life. I'll eat if I want to. I won't if I don't want to. Being harsh, angry wouldn't do anything. Just don't bother about my eating disorders, etc, whatever.

It doesn't really matter if he called to apologise or not. Everybody has been really harsh to me these days. I'm so used to it, although it's of no use, really. Those harshness. It's of no use to whatever that's happening right now. As if I'm not depressed enough.

The atmosphere at home sucks. Everybody's forcing me to eat. I can die as a result of overfeeding. I can cry out blood to let you see how much I don't want to eat.

Three meals a day?

NO WAY.

I think I'm fucking 46kg now. Don't tell me that I'm still the same. I know my body. I know how it feels right now. And it feels heavier than it was. So, just save your breath.

Fuck. I guess I'm alone at my side, while you all out there are just trying to make me gain weight like fuck.

Thanks.


Thanks for the harshness.

Lotza Lurrrve,
.AinZulkifni.

Hear The Journalists Scream.

The Scandal Hunters.

The Past Which Moulds The Present.

I Am The Only D.va Around.